I am entirely in love with the One who has bridged my gap. And it's a far stretch, impossible to reach across on my own. I can't even see to the other side due to all the muck. A gaping massive gap of all gaps. It's a long way down too. I know just how dark, scary, and absolutely ugly this place is. And yet, I don't.

For each new time I find myself treading too close to the edge or have even completely fallen in, He's there for that too. Nothing surprises Him. He's not moved. And He's not shaken even when I mess up and I just don't get it time after time after time. When I've made it about me. When I am proud. When I can't submit my heart and will to His. When I give into fear and I'm quick to get angry. When patience is nothing but a word and I think I just have way better things to do. When I'm materialistic. When I'm unfaithful and selfish. When I'm clouded in by sin and filth and it all. He came to save me from that too and He's still there.

He pulls me up and out and restores me to safe ground. I'm in complete awe of this kind of love. I know none quite like it. Every time. He's there. He's in this with me. He gave it all for me and yet He's still giving it all. He doesn't give up on me. I can trust someone who has proven Himself. Who can't be trusted when they have proven themselves worthy to be just that... TRUSTED.

He came to save the wretch. And I am exactly that, for until a person comes to this revelation of their state, WHO that isn't in need of saving will be saved? No one. Because you can't be saved unless you know you need saving. You can't experience this grace until you know who you really are. Who He really is and who you really are without Him. And not just once, but every day kind of grace.

I love Easter more with each passing year. It never ceases to amaze me how precious this gift really is to me. I need Him more and more and yet even more. And still, there stands my ransom each and every time: PAID IN FULL!!! Really?? WOW! Who is this kind of Savior? Isn't He wonderful?

He is my Jesus.

I am in love with a God who saves, heals, and restores like none other.

What kind of a God sends His only son? Perfect. Worthy. Holy. To carry the ugly sins of the world? Of me? Of me. Yes of me!
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son. That whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

My God. The one true God.

What kind of Savior comes to serve and restore a broken relationship through his sacrificial death with this kind of a God?
John 14:6 Jesus answered I am the way the truth and the life. No One comes to the Father except through me.

My Jesus. I love this Jesus.

His grace abounds in me.

Need someone in your life for once worthy to trust?

He is absolutely the most worthiest of it all.

Liam in his flannel red and black plaid lumber jack shirt. He is handsome in it and looks like my dad.

Exactly how his eyes light up when I ask him if he wants to read a book with me, every.single.time.

They way Asher plays with Liam while Sophia naps. Brothers. I have 2 precious boys.

Sophia's question this morning of, "Where is my father?" Father? When did we become so proper?

Or her response to talking in bed after I told her not to, "Mom, but I was talking to Jesus!" hmmm.....

How we literally lost Asher (no really he was in another world!) the other day in the car as he soaked up Opera for the first time. I guess you never know who you could be raising under your roof!?

Liam's first real plays in the outside world. A dirt covered snot smeared face. I love to see my kids be outside. More than that, I like to be right out there with them. Not just as a helicopter mom  but because I simply would rather be outside.

How simple chores are done with cheerful attitudes driven by the anticipation and excitement of a simple sticker.

Ice cream because they asked.

Excitement over each of their own new little puff balls in the bath.

How Gabe comes home every single day, happy. I don't take something seemingly small like that for granted. It's not small. It's a big deal to me.

Pillow talk. Because I love it and it's rare. We're usually out the second our heads hit the pillows.

How the Lord meets me here in the thick of the day. And gives me just enough to keep going. That "just enough" is really all I will ever need.

How Jesus makes me truly happy to be doing whatever it is I am doing. And I see it's true of my husband too.

I'm not promised another moment with any of my babies. I'm not promised another moment with Gabe. But the promises I do have, boy do I cling to those so that should I ever forget how blessed I am here today, I will always be brought back to the cross and who I am without Jesus. Absolutely nothing.

It's always interesting to me to see out of all the things Grammy and Grampy have to play with what one toy will make THEE impression to last the entire visit however long it is. There is always something. This newly designated treasure is unlike any other toy in that it becomes the main theme/character for any other game that is played, make believe or real. It gets special privileges in bed, at breakfast, and in all reality becomes a part of the family as I spend more time making sure I know "its" whereabouts and safety more than my own kids!!!

This past trip it was... Mouse. A small disgusting in feel and texture and even real looking from a short distance, rubber, who know's what that stuff is inside, toy mouse. Hence the name Mouse.

I even got to hear of the "fall" that took place outside on the snowmobile with Grampy.

"We fell off the snowmobile Mom!!!"

"You DID!" "And did you freak out?!" (the thought of my poor Dad out there with 2 out of control screaming Ockrin's because something didn't go as planned, let's just say they aren't the most flexible of beings, had me wishing I had been out there just to help manage the chaos.)

"No!" "Grampy turned around, came up to us, and said 'Quick get back on little mice!' "

Of course.

So with that in mind it was no surprise as to why Grammy sent the package of our forgotten mittens along with a certain someone hiding inside!

Imagine, if you can, the joy, shear excitement and ear piercing screams that took a good few solid minutes of Gabe and I to settle down. Okay, we knew he was in there after I opened it up earlier expecting nothing other than....mittens, and so may have added to the scream factor. Gaaaabe!

This is now what keeps Asher laughing up the whazoo and me catching my breath every now and then when I forget this certain someone now resides here as just a toy...

I absolutely love it.
And I love this fun and special boy!

Gabe worked from home yesterday mostly down by us. Asher got to see Daddy "go to work."

Asher: "When I grow up I am going to have a lot of food."

Gabe: "Really?"

Asher: "Yes, and I will never run out."

Gabe: "Oh!"

Asher: "And if I do, I will just go shopping and get more." (he went with me while Sophia and Liam napped)

Gabe: "How will you buy that food?"

Asher: "Oh, with my money. I will have money."

Gabe: "How will you get that money?"

Asher: "Daaaaad!! (with a goofy tone as if to say what a SILLY question to ask!), I will work and get that money."

Gabe: "What kind of work will you do?"

Asher: "Hmmm". (little pause) "Dad, I should probably get a little computer."

While Gabe was on a business trip this past week in Tennessee working very hard AND eating Filet Mignon most nights (or some other rare food I consider a mere delicacy and only dream of eating should I get lucky on my birthday or our anniversary) as well as probably walking around too much on his foot (now diagnosed as a "high" ankle sprain which can take just as long apparently as a break to heal!) the kids and I drove the short two and half hours to be with my family.

It was SO.much.fun!

How very thankful I am for family. My family. My parents. My sisters. My in-laws (we even got to spend a day with them!) Who love us. And made our stay extra special just by being able to be with them. I knew it would be the perfect little oasis to a rather seemingly long and lonely week otherwise without Gabe. It was all of that and more.

But wow, I missed that Gabe of mine. Yes, even in between the distractions of a late night Zumba class with my sisters for my first time (hilarious!), being pulled on a sled behind the snowmobile all while being chased by Ruby, and staying up late to watch movies...I just missed him. The last time he went somewhere for a week was when Asher was about 7 months. I know husbands go away a lot, or have to, and not necessarily that they want to. Life/work sometimes just calls. As much as I miss him when he's away, these little few and far between absences are somewhat welcomed to reveal, yet again, how truly thankful I am for him! How I don't want to take for granted the time I have with him now. I am promised absolutely NOTHING as far as a time line is concerned with my loved ones here on earth. I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow holds let alone the next couple hours.

Sure enough though I've hit a bit of a low today. I'm back to slippers on these wood floors and hot drinks all day. Except today I'm in a bit of a funk getting back into the groove.

Today I'm reminded it's a good place to be to need Him. Really need Him. And so it's here in this home that I have to really grasp onto His grace and who He is. What He has for me. What He's called me to do. Who He's called me to be. And how when I do that I experience Him and His love. His life and heart changing effects. His desire for relationship with me.

And it's all good. I am made new and I see past myself and these silly selfish desires. That's really what they are. I'm given glimpses of a heavenly perspective and a kingdom purpose and my spirit soars.

Look what I get to do for Him!

Not in the idea that there is anything I can ever do to acquire or attain something in order to ensure a sense of control, but because...Look what He did for me!

What love He gave. What love He gives still.

Whereas to one, days spent with mundane routine, a far cry from an extravagant lifestyle, and life and conversation with usually just 4 and under year olds would be the grand cause for a life crisis, to me (*when I see clearly!) it's beauty I get to do for Him. *note: WHEN!! I am that far cry from ever getting it right. Every new day and even every next minute I can tap into that grace and strength and let Him change my heart to a heart like His.

Is that not what it's all about?

Now is the hour to invest in today. Right now is the time to invest in relationships and where God has me today. It just so happens to be down one of the coolest dirt roads we've ever come across in Potsdam! With children that just so happen to be thee cutest on earth and living right here with us! HUH!? And with a husband who right now walks with a cane and booty-like cast and the cutest little strut I've ever seen. He already struts BAD but boy is it exemplified! My cure-all while I'm a foot and sprained ankle care giver... milkshakes, duh! I think I'm doing a splendid job but maybe you should really ask Gabe! With friends and an amazing church family we can serve this very real God with. With this God I can find all my purpose through.

Which is none of me and ALL of Him.

home with a spunky sassy fun little thing and her squishalicious baby brother while the other men in my life are at Upward.

We have continued to join the ranks of looming sickness. It wasn't until Thursday that I actually realized what day it was. Yesterday, in all of it's mildness, reminded me this can't go on forever. Spring will be here before I know it and though the days and now nights can seem rather long, the furthest thing from peaceful and restful, and even quite humorous (though not in the moment!) I am really cherishing some special moments along the the way in the midst of it all.

Like for instance....

~A meal EVERYONE looks forward to at the end of the day, even though I look "electrocuted" (as my mom nicely put of a picture of me on fb one day ) while preparing it. Life slows down and we sit. Asher dims the lights and calls it a "special dinner". I light some candles and for a bit ignore the mess I've been living in with little to no energy to stay on top of much other than necessities.

~Special time alone with Asher while the other two nap. We do crafts, draw, Legos, and our newest reintroduction back into our routine, "school" as he likes to call it. He requests this activity. Sometimes we just talk. Sometimes he'll be so deep in thought I'll ask, "What are you thinking about Lu?" (Lucas is his middle name. They say you only nickname the ones you love, right?! No matter how bizarre?) What is on his little mind is precious, goofy, entirely literal, and I love it all.

~Gabe hurt his ankle this past Tuesday night playing ball with the men (who I think believe are still boys, including mine despite the fact he's consistently told by strangers he looks to be 16? That was the latest age thrown out there! Seriously!?) and got himself what borders on the more intense side of a rolled ankle. It's pretty scary to look at. As a result he got to stay here and work from home for a day this week. It's just a rare treat to have him home like that. While the kids napped I even slipped out for a bit. I felt SO spoiled! Let's just say I had the flea market (all 20 minutes of it) to myself! Perfect!

~The anticipation of a week stay with my parents while Gabe attends work related needs in Tennessee with his team. A day here, an afternoon there (though extremely fun) doesn't allow for the fun things that can only take place when you sleep and wake up at Grammy and Grampy's. Poptarts for breakfast. Endless cousins to play with. Sisters and a mom to catch up with and spend WHOLE days with!

~"The Hidden Art of Homemaking" by Edith Schaeffer. Even if just a chapter here, 10  minutes there, I am finding myself deeply challenged in ways and areas I really need to be challenged!

~Despite overtired and a bit pushed to the brink of grumpiness/bad attitudes myself, I experience His waters that are never dry. A different kind of rest apart from just physical. The kind of rest only He provides. The kind of joy only he supplies, despite circumstances. And it's there. All the time. Just ready and waiting to be experienced!  Freely given.

Is it really any wonder that this week has been one of the best as far as routine, consistency, chores, training, learning with a good attitude, victory and not defeat? Hardly.

"You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night but JOY comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid, because I know that you love me. Your love never fails."

And lastly, I have puppy fever. It's bad. And it's not going away!