For stockings this year I'm going all consumable. Fun "treat" type things I normally don't EVER buy such as juice boxes, yogurt covered raisins, & fruit snacks. Something passed down from Gabe's Christmas memories while he was at home growing up that we do as well... an orange and a thing of yogurt.

I would not be surprised if I stick with this "food" theme for a while. The kids LOVE food. Stocking stuffers are ridiculous in price and can end up being more than some of the more "bigger" and special items we want to bless our children with. Not to mention I like the idea of no little things, having no particular place to go after Christmas is over.

However.....

I highly recommend either

A) buying these things ahead of time [like I did] however NOT opening them until you assemble the stocking(s) Christmas Eve night [like I didn't], unless you 1) don't fancy these things yourself, or 2) have some self control [of which I don't] 

or B) {Is anyone confused with my bullet approach yet?? I am!!} Buying them 1-2 days before Christmas so the reasoning behind opening the box of 10 pouches of fruit snacks (which is....you KNOW your children will not/should not consume them all so "I can have a pouch or 2 or 3!"), allows not enough time for YOU to consume them ALL before it's even a week before Christmas.

Yes that is what has happened. A pouch here and a pouch there over the course of about a month has turned into NO pouches for the kids and a box of empty wrappers.

I only know because yes, I reached in there to sneak a pack and to my dismay and SURPRISE found them all consumed.

Fruit snacks. Have you ever tried them?

They are way too good.

I had to be somewhere first thing this morning. First thing meaning... before the rest of the household was even up, including Gabe which is rare.

It was dark and quiet when I left. Rather lonely. Cold. There was that hair raising chill in the air. One I never have to experience, EVER. It made me think of Gabe. Most days he is up and out into that very chill before I'm even awake. Before the first little peeps from rooms next door can be heard. Before I'm even with it enough to realize he's not hugging me anymore, though that's when I briefly wake because his warmth is gone. I couldn't stop thinking of him how he leaves like that every morning. The kids and I, we pray his steps are guided, but to walk some of those very steps to the white car like he does every morning was rather enlightening. 

I was thankful, for him.

He's apart of my world everyday and very much enthralled in it as I am. Probably even more. A lot rests on his shoulders with a young family to provide for and lead that I don't even have to think about. Yet he knows the routine here at home should I leave for an evening or morning or afternoon, and I never give him the run down. He just knows. Sure the house may be in complete disarray as if a small tornado ran it's course wild and free, but he knows what's needed and he knows to some extent what my day can look like in a real tangible sense.

But I. I don't often get to see what it's like on his side of the spectrum.

This morning though I got to. Sure it was a minuscule part in comparison to the whole grand scheme of it all, but a part of his day every day nonetheless.

It made me fall a little deeper in love with him.

It made me thankful that I don't have to get up and go outside like that, that early, every day.

Instead I get to stay here and take care of his babies. And play house. Or make these with the kids so his house looks a little prettier, a little more festive. He likes when I do that.

But most of all that I can be here to do my best to make his load easier. As much as I can. In whatever ways I can dream up of. I can make his home a place of rest and peace.

I can do that for him.

He does much for me.

When I tell these 2 to stand by the tree for some pictures and put their arms around each other... this is what I get.

Wow and I'm grateful and I adore it.

Liam will be joining the photo shoot another time to complete the Christmas photos. He was busy.

Where the older kids are.

Did you get a chance to watch this yet??  http://heartlandchurch.tv/  This is the slide show my sister made of Graham the night of the accident and where he is today. Gary, Graham's dad and pastor, shares a bit afterward as well as Randi and Graham making a special appearance. They just recently spent some time out in Indiana over Thanksgiving and got to meet and see MANY of the people who have been praying and keeping up with their story. Such a testimony, and wow, every time I watch that slide show, the tears just keep flowing!

Asher! Such a little bundle of questions and concerns! "What's in my arm, Mom?" "What's in my skin?" "Girls can't go to work!!!" after watching a little Christmas video I picked up from the Library where Minnie leaves in the morning to 'go to work'. I love to see his eyes light up as the wheels are TURNING!

Some tears were shed at the breakfast table this morning after expressing he wanted to feed his babies banana and oatmeal someday like I was feeding Liam. Come to find out that a deep concern lay in the fact he didn't want to leave THIS home to do so. Oh Asher someday you will WANT to leave this home to do that and that's a good thing! That didn't really register like I had thought it would.

"Christmas is about Baby Jesus' birthday Mom, NOT stockings." This one caught me dead in my tracks. I heard a faint echo of myself saying it to the kids as I was getting frustrated trying to hang them up on the mantel without ruining any of the wood and finish. I looked at him and said "Asher you are exactly right!" Man, little sponges and I am always being watched. Lord help me. And I gave up. The stockings hang on the staircase with a tack in the unfinished wood. I actually like it better, AND they don't get too hot!

The idea of knowing we're staying home until a week after Christmas brings a peace to this soul. I love home. I like traveling and going places and seeing dear faces, but around this time I just love to be home.

Honestly my favorite Christmas decoration/thing I anticipate getting out the most every year is the kids' nativity set my parents got one year for Asher. Maybe it's because I remember playing with my mom's for hours every day until it went back up to the attic. When Dad brought the special box down (because I remembered which one, I helped pack it away ever so carefully) the excitement was overwhelming. It's those special little things I'm happy and excited to pass onto our children. Not to mention I am getting a kick out of the many different set-ups I come across!

This is the latest one as of this morning. A little more realistic than some previous ones.

Liam is a ball of testy fire and he acts more grown up with each passing day. He truly is in the toddler stage and seems to pick up on things and do things neither Gabe nor I have taught him but that he sees and observes every day with 2 older siblings. It's great and fun and we'd like to pretend we have something to do with it.

Sophia. Loves the company of her 2 brothers. "Where's my Liam Oliver??" "Where's my Asher Louie??" if they're not around.

Gabe is in Montreal today. A temporary position once a week in Montreal (sometime less) on top of normal work responsibilities has graced his door step, all while still meeting our criteria to be home in time for dinner and an evening with the family. Oh how I wish I could drop the kids off somewhere and drive up with him and shop and have the hour an half trip up with JUST him. And who knew that what feels like a completely different culture could be SO close. And then I remember I love home, and how leaving my babes (one who still nurses lots), would leave me in a pickle or more the lucky one he got to watch him. But it sure would be fun. Maybe someday when an opportunity like this comes up again!

Besides work and the Holiday season making life seem rather full,  Upward duties have beckoned my husband once again. This will be his second year directing and I have to hand it to him how he's working hard now to surround himself with the right solid people to help pull the task off. I am happy to share his talents and let him shine. He shines well! and this is such a worthy cause.

Me. I'm thankful for this snow that has kept the kids happy and preoccupied for the past 45 minutes. What fun to be little and play in the snow!

Things have been nice and slow here. Just the way I like it! I don't mind the dreary wet days. It's just an excuse to light the fire, layer myself and the kids up, hunker down inside, and drink tea all day long while we go about our daily routine, which I am just so thankful for! I know someday when the kids get older or even next year when "real" school starts for Asher I won't have the freedom to do things on a very lax and "as I feel led" sort of schedule, though TRUST me I will find a way to incorporate my God given gift to do just that and yet get MUCH accomplished when we officially start school.

Right now we're smack dab in the mist of training and keeping house all.day.long. The 2 are just never ending. But I see fruit here and there. About the house I gave up LONG AGO.... however I did think at one point today "Can SOMEONE...ANYONE just please drop in on me RIGHT NOW!!!!". For about 5 minutes it was looking all nice and clean and picked up. Then Liam woke up!!!! I'm thankful, so very thankful from my Mom that I don't stress about a little mess. It's the dirty that GETS me!!

Asher and Sophia are becoming my all time FANTASTIC little helpers with chores!! Today when I went down to start a load of laundry piled YAH high that Asher carried down to the washer and sorted himself got me realizing how much I really depend on him. 1 minute. DONE! I was blessed. Completely. Down in the cold basement all by myself from my little man. I'm thankful for his heart ready and willing to serve and always with a good attitude.

Sophia loves being a girl. And wearing her new bling-bling from Grandma she got at Asher and Liam's party. It's actually really cute. A chain with a heart with an "S" on it. A ring with tiny fake diamonds. Nothing gaudy. And she loves it!

Liam. I love my Liam.

We've been reading lots! Book after book after book. On the couch. By the fire. Some favorites are "Baby Dear" and "We help Mommy" by Eloise Wilkin, a favorite of this momma with stories and pictures I remember as a little girl!

This week I've been busy getting ready for Thanksgiving to take place at our home!!!! Mom, Dad, sister Bonnie with hubby Dan and 3 precious kiddies in tow had the idea to come spend the day with us... here!!! I am beside myself. I get to host for once for my family on a special holiday and I'm just excited to give back after all these years of us traveling to partake elsewhere. The day after we head to Crown Point for festivities to unfold TRUE Ockrin style at my in-laws! I LOVE going there and being with Gabe's family. It's such a change of pace and I am pretty sure I have one of the best mother in laws! I know there's a lot of wonderful ones out there, and she's right on that list with them!

Someday I'll get around to finishing these curtains I've started. Someday we'll do this and that I'm sure. But WOW I am thinking of and thankful for the here and now. My children. My man whom I'm so proud of. How with each day he gets better (or should I say empowered) at leading our family. I love when he talks and shares his heart. It makes me want to be a better person. More gracious. More wise. More humble. More thankful! He's always so thankful. I love the unnatural to the world though defined role in scripture a wife has to play...looking to her man wherever he may be in life and as a result allowing a work to take place by the Holy Spirit leading and empowering HIM to lead, and lead well. Putting trust in him and giving way to something really rather beautiful. Something just like Christ with his bride. Sacred, vulnerable, trusting, beautiful.

Most of all I'm thankful for my hope in Christ. I'm thankful for my Jesus. He paid my debt of shame and pride and selfishness. Of it all. My sin. I would be nothing without Him. He is my everything. I'm blessed here on earth, but I see myself for what I really am. I am in need of someone else. We all are. What I am truly thankful for when I really sit down and think about it, is that because of grace I see that need. Some don't. Some won't. But I. Renee. I will partake in paradise someday and life everlasting with Him.

I am completely humbled by this gift. I couldn't be more undeserving. And because of that I am so very thankful. It makes everything else I'm thankful for that much SWEETER. And I have much to thank Him for.

It was 4 years ago today I first became a mother, and we became what felt like a family. Asher has been one of the BEST things that could have happened to a young inexperienced couple with no money at a time that the world would have said "don't have a baby!" I cry now that I know GOD knew better and I'm thankful he saw past our selfish, insecure, and faithless ways.

This picture was taken at the Ockrin male camping trip this past August. One of Asher's favorite verses is Matthew 19:26 With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible, and when I saw it, it made me think of this verse.

"Bud, you've got the whole world at your fingertips. A future bright and blessed in Him. Trials and sufferings will surely come your way, but remember through Him all things are possible."

Happy Birthday! You are loved.

We are home from a fun filled weekend spent in Pennsylvania for my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary party! It was cause for much celebration for us as well seeing as Liam turned 1 on the same day as the festivities. Liam was surrounded by many of his cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, second cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, and us!

Some pictures of our one year old on his one year birthday, November 13th. We'll celebrate him later this week as a family although I will say he still had a special day.

Liam slept through our time at a fun playground. Then we headed to an Amish farm, saw some fun animals, and ate their homemade icecream!

ALL the cousins!!!

Then we headed to an evening celebration of 60 years of marriage for Grandpa and Grandma Vander Wiele.

Asher has turned into quite the little artist and will sit for hours and draw. It's been the first thing he asks to do in the A.M. It's the last thing he'd rather be doing in the P.M., even to the point of this (and I think Gabe's feeling's were a bit hurt!) he chose NOT to wrestle over finishing his picture. Have we really come to this already! No wrestling! Who in their right mind isn't up for a wrestling match?!?!

I am really enjoying some of the pictures I stumble upon in the stack. These are some of my favorites!

: : Side note~ Sunday school is something we mentioned recently to Asher. He'll go there when he turns 4 in a few weeks. Up until this point when we heard of someone else's child moving up we honestly didn't give it 2 thoughts, maybe even along the lines of "what exactly is the big deal??" Well I'll tell you what the big deal is now that we are going through it with Asher. He has precious little hopes, fears, dreams, and curiosities about the whole thing that as his parents we can guide him and help see him through it. The opportunity Asher will have to be a blessing to others has just been stepped up several notches as well.

As of further notice....

Liam lamb pie's will is proving to be rather strong these days. We knew all along it was in there. Every child has one!, and every will is NOT bent towards submitting and giving in. It's been one thing after the next today. It's days like these that I'm really just thankful I'm the one to stay home and have the time to give to stay on top of things. Put properly into perspective...I'm thankful we can hash things out NOW rather than later. A good friend once said when we were dealing with some things with Asher and I was feeling discouraged because let's face it, we've all just been there! something along the lines of..."try to look at it as a gift you've been given to deal with what's really going on in his heart now and what's surfacing as a result." That completely helped to change my discouragment AND perspective. I even found reason to be thankful for that really tough time. Dealing with something at 2 and even 1 as opposed to even 2 or 3,4,5,6 etc... can prove to have it's many benefits!

Ephesians 6:1-4

Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.

Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise.

That it may be well with you and you will long on the earth.

And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

"That it may be well with you"! We see fruit of that already (maybe not with Liam as consistently yet). Gabe and I converse often how we're just happy and thankful for no one other than our children. Sure a bonus is it's easier and nicer for us and others alike but that's dangerous when that's the main reason/focus. As a result of obeying they enable themselves to be little blessings and become more of the person God has intended them to be and called according to His purposes. Things elsewhere just as it says... goes well for them.

I want things to go well for my Liam too. Not only that but Gabe and I are commanded to obey here too! and put in the time.

I'll tell you what's exciting, seeing TRUTH from God's very word come to life!

In light of the motto I have to choose to live by each day to have a "thankful heart" for everything, it's on these long days of training and dealing with heart issues at the tender young age of 11 months that choosing to be thankful through it all and even more thankful for what's going on inside of them that gives way to my faith being stirred that this time will continue to bear fruit and witness to the promises I live by in the Bible regarding how we raise our children. And somehow it makes our calling that much greater.